I Cracked...

I am sad to report that I didn't make it until Sunday to test...I cracked on Saturday morning and got a BFN that needless to say, put me into a brief emotional meltdown. I did however stay true to the rest of the rules ( limited googling). I know, I know, it hasn't been long at all and the stress and upset is making it harder and blah blah...easy for people to say that aren't going through it. It actually made me feel a bit better to allow myself to be upset about it. Now I know I could still be in the running...it's not over yet but I do feel discouraged for this month.

I've been following Kate on http://thisplaceisnowahome.wordpress.com/  I love her writing style and things she chooses to write about..even though most of it doesn't apply to me yet because she is currently a mom but I've read most of her previous posts when she was trying to conceive and they give me encouragement. I read something on a old post she wrote before she got her BFP and it was something about being PUPO ( Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise) hehe...I love it! That's my new status. PUPO...bring it on!

An amazing love letter

I was watching Oprah yesterday while making dinner and saw the most amazing video. I had to fight back tears the whole time and it made me thankful for everything good in my life.  At 34 years old, Kristian Anderson was diagnosed with liver and bowel cancer. He has a wife, Rachel and two little boys. For Rachel's birthday, he created a video to show her just how much he loves her. All I can is WOW, this is amazing and truly touched my heart.

Having been part of a family touched by this horrible disease, I truly hope this story has a happy ending because this is what true love is.

Mind Body Connection

I am the type of person that once I set my mind to something, I get it done. I am deliberate and purposeful and don't like failing. I am also impatient and intense and tend to worry too much. So even though I am VERY early in my TTC journey,  I can't help but seek additional resources to help me achieve the task at hand. It's not something I can change, it's just who I am.

Which has led me to discover a relaxation/meditation fertility program that looks at the mind/body connection. It's called Circle and Bloom . 


How Circle + Bloom Works for TTC and Reproductive Health from Circle + Bloom on Vimeo.

"It's based on extensive research that shows the power of visualization, along with the brain-body connection which can play a key role in health, including reproductive health. Because the body cannot tell the difference between what it is actually experiencing versus what you are only visualizing, we can essentially communicate directly with our body and instruct it to function in a certain way."

It's great because there is a 15 minute session for everyday of your cycle and you can start at anytime. I wasn't sure what to expect but I have to say, I really like it. Even if it's just for the relaxation aspect.  I don't expect any miracles but if it can help me to feel more relaxed during this process, then it's done it's job.

Over the next two weeks, I will not...

Currently on cycle #3 of TTC and am just beginning another two week wait today. Okay I know it hasn't been very long at all...I totally get that. I also understand that it can take perfectly healthy people even a year to conceive. But seriously, how do pregnancies happen by accident!? I have had three months of positive OPKs, preseed and lots of BD at the optimum times and my spouse and I are both in our mid twenties. (Sigh.) Oh well. Deep breath and fingers crossed for this month.

In order to help me survive this ttw I have decided to make a list of things I will NOT do during this time to help me be more relaxed about this whole process. I figure if I write them down it will force me to follow them. Here's hoping at least ;)

1) I will not visit online message boards about TTC (I think it just makes me more anxious)
2) I will do my best to not believe anything that I experience is a pregnancy symptom, no matter what happens. HOWEVER if my mind should wander and I find myself thinking about a particular"symptom" I will especially not consult Dr.google on any of these feelings
3) I will not under any circumstances take a test until Sunday, January 23 and if it is BFN, I will not test again until AF is late, which would be around January 28

Now I just have to find something to distract me from doing the above mentioned over the next two weeks. :)

Home Sweet Home

Just back from a great vacation but its so good to be home! What can I say...Egypt was wonderful...what a fantastic family trip. We did a Gap Tour called "Egyptian Journey" and it was awesome. Our guide was amazing and the people we travelled with were great too. It's too hard to put into words what's its like so hopefully the pictures can capture what I can't seem to find the words to say.

On the baby front or no baby front I should say :( I've got another two week wait ahead of me....third time’s a charm?

Preparing for Amsterdam & Egypt!

I can't believe that we are 2 days away from a trip of a lifetime. Although before I can get officially into vacation mode I need to kick this cold I am fighting...I don't want to be the sick person on the plane for a 7 hour flight.

I've always wanted to go to Egypt, it seems like such a magical and historical wonder of the world. I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about my tummy and the food. I know this seems rather silly but my stomach tends to be pretty sensitive and based on everything I've read, it seems everyone gets some sort of bug while they are there. Guess I'll just have to very careful.

Amsterdam should be fun too...I love all of the countries I've visited in Europe so I can't imagine that Amsterdam would be any different!

I'm also trying to decide when I should allow myself to test. Of course I would love to know as soon as possible but I also hate seeing a negative. So my conflict with myself is do I try and test on Thursday, the day we leave, when I'll be 10 DPO or should I wait until we get to Amsterdam and test on Christmas Eve...wouldn't that be a great present :) I guess it will all depend on strong my willpower is on Thursday morning.

Prenatal vitamins

I get it, I know how important it is to take them before you actually get pregnant but sometimes I feel well, resentful for having to take them. In a way I feel like it's a daily reminder how pregnant I am NOT. Not to mention they make me feel sick...I could handle the sickness if I knew I was growing a little human :)


I'm writing this post from my iPad which I absolutely LOVE since the moment I got my hands on it. I have to admit I was not really into the whole iPod obsession....yes I am a die hard BB fan....but since I got my iPad I have to say that I get it now....they are so fun and super convenient for so many things.


Anyway its snowing here, big white snowflakes and we're watching christmas vacation, my all time favorite christmas movie so with that I think I'll say goodnight!